I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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