we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
