Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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