I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
