i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize