Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
