a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
