i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
