thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
