So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
