I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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