Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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