I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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