Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
