I wish I could punch you in the face.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
