if i can run in heels then i can drive
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
