I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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