guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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