Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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