Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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