this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize