If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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