I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
