hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
