..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
