I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
