I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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