i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
