I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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