I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my phone needs a breathalizer
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
