somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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