Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
