Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
