he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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