i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
time to smoke my breakfast
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
