I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
