Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize