I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
