I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Text me some of your sweat
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
