Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize