she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
