So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
