does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
