SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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