I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
