i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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