shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
