I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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