i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
false alarm, still single
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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