What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
