I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
