So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
