True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
