I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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