what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
