The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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