Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
