every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
