She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
