The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
