i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
